Hello friends. A quick note on the rules of my DM's:
1. If you have a kind thought or comment on something that I've posted publicly, I'm so appreciative of those who take the time to reach out to me personally. I will always respond to you.
2. If you are messaging me to inundate me with unwelcome forward comments or to try to score a date, I AM NOT HERE FOR IT. I do not use social media as a dating app, and quite frankly find it offensive that so many men attempt to do so.
Beyond the annoyance of these types of messages, there are deeper issues at play here.
First, when a man who does not know me tells me that I'm beautiful, what he's really saying is "I have judged your appearance and I approve." It also implies that his assessment of me passing his standard matters. I am not into that, because a random man's opinion of how I look is super boring to me, and because I put a lot of thought into what I write and choosing to comment on my face instead of the content derails from the message I am trying to share.
Secondly, when you think of how mean/rude it would be to comment on a person's looks in any way other than to say pretty/beautiful/hot, it's very clear that we've given appearances too much power. To me, being called pretty is a boring comment, like being short and white and having hair.
Lastly, this particular gentleman seems to have the mindset that he is entitled to my time and response. It is a way of attempting to stake claim. Unconsciously, he is saying, "I grant my approval on your appearance and now you owe me something." It is dangerous and insidious. And it is SHOCKING how often saying "Hey, actually that's not welcome" will set a man off on a bitter, angry rampage.
A few thoughts for your Monday.