-80lbs in picture one vs. picture two. It’s easier to hide when you’re 5’9, but it was getting to the point where I couldn’t hide the weight gain.
I was also struggling to hide so much more. I was just tired. Mentally I was giving up.
I had days where I would cry all day. Scream at Ryan on the phone about how much I hated him and the life we’d been dealt. I let the actions of other control my every emotion.
It was all out of his control, yet still blamed him and took my anger out on him. I hated everything. He got the brunt of it.
My kids were the reason I tried everyday. Most days they got the half-ass version of me, but that was all I could do.
I don’t know if I was suffering from depression, anxiety, past traumas, I was never diagnosed with anything (but PPD after my last baby)
Whatever it was I was unable to deal with life. My emotions were always out of whack and anything that went wrong I just decided meltdowns were the best way to deal with them.
Food seemed to be how we both dealt with the stress we were always under those first few years.
We late night binged on chips, cookies, whiskey & coke...that seemed to make it all better, until the next day and it was repeat the cycle.
He was headed for a heart attack and I didn’t care.
I wish there was one defining moment that I could say we decided to turn it all around, but we just did.
We committed to getting healthy and never looked back. We’ve opened up so many doors in the last 2 1/2 and I feel like I’m finally living my best life.
I enjoy the little things again, I have a genuine smile and laugh again, I feel free to be ME again. I feel like I’m finally the unapologetic version of myself I’ve suppressed for a long time.
I am truly, HAPPY. I have transformed so much more on the inside than I ever thought I could.
The weight loss is definitely the bonus, but saving my relationship and falling head over heels in love with my husband after 3 years of fighting gives me all the feels.
Doing things with my kiddos I didn’t feel like doing before, taking the random trips, drinking the wine, swimming, dancing...all those little things.
life just feels good