the last week has been hard.. I’ve cried so many times.. and I don’t mean a tear or two, I mean full blown breakdowns - like the type of crying that you struggle to catch your breath from..
and honestly this is rare for me because I’m really not an emotional person.. I actually used to pride myself on being the girl who never cried, through all the trauma I’ve been through, the substance abuse I had to watch, every breakup and heartbreak, every intense life change, through it all - I never really cried, I was so hardened to everything.
so why now? and why so many emotions all at once? it might be because so many things are shifting in my life, it might be because I feel like all the days and weeks and months are starting to blur together and there really is never going to be enough time, it might be because change scares the shit out of me because it means I’m not fully in control of certain parts of my life and for years I’ve done everything to make sure I have control and it might just be because life is fucking hard like SO incredibly hard..
but it’s also beautiful and I’m trying to just allow myself to feel all of this as it comes because as painful as it might be it means I’m not that girl who felt like she had to pretend everything was perfect and nothing ever hurt, anymore.. it means I’m growing.